So, you’re a woman who’s tantalized by BDSM sex play. However, you’re not sure where you fit into the delicious dynamic of domination and subordination. If you feel yourself raising your hand as you consider this, then you’ve come to the right place.
Let’s talk femdoms and femsubs. By the time you’re finished reading, you’ll be ready to embrace your kinky calling!
What Do Femdom and Femsub Mean?
Let’s start our journey with a quick refresher on the terminology. Femdom means a relationship where the woman takes the reins or sometimes refers to the Domme herself.
A femsub, on the other hand is just as you have guessed. It’s a relationship where the woman assumes the submissive role or, again, can refer to the female sub personally.
For many, deciding whether you’re a femsub or a femdom might seem easy. You know your own BDSM sex fantasies, so pick the one that gets your juices flowing, right? However, for many other people, this can feel a bit less straightforward…
Photo: KlausHausmann via Pixabay
Am I a Femdom or a Femsub?
Stereotypes around female submission can make it challenging for some women, Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB) individuals, and femme folk to fully explore their dominant fantasies.
They might feel really drawn to a femdom role. But the thought of acting on it might make them feel awkward. Or they might be unsure about how to approach the topic with their sexual comrade(s).
Conversely, suppose a woman got into BDSM sex play mainly through her partner. In that case, this can shape her initial experience and distract her from asking herself what she truly wants.
It’s easy to accidentally become a service Domme and enjoy pleasing your partner through domination. However, in this regard they’re really in charge, and it’s less about you actually enjoying the kink itself. You might forget to consider whether you want your partner to wield the whip instead.
The digital age has complicated things further. It’s not uncommon for our first perception of BDSM sex to be through porn. You might be aware of being turned on by kink, but be unclear about whether dominance or submission is what you want in real life.
Photo: angelazeta via Pixabay
Introducing the Switch
But wait, there’s another option; for some people, this is where things get exciting. If you’ve got the hots for domination and submission, then why not do both? This is a switch, someone who enjoys being a Domme or a sub, depending on the situation, who they’re with, and what they feel like.
If you’ve always been a Domme and loved it, you might not know that handing over the baton (or handcuffs, whip, blindfold…you do you!) floats your boat, too. If you’ve always been a sub and really enjoyed it, then you may never have realized that taking control ignites your arousal.
You don’t have to choose between being a femdom and a femsub! And if both turn you on, then why limit yourself? It can be twice the fun to have it both ways.
Photo: Kamaji Ogino via Pexels
Deciding between Femdom, Femsub, and Switch
So, how should you solve this kinky conundrum? Well, the most important elements here are communication and curiosity.
Bringing this stuff up with your partner might feel awkward if you haven’t had these conversations about BDSM sex before. But if you never really know what each other wants, you’re just setting yourself up for a bedroom buzzkill and a lot of frustration.
Remember that strong sexual partnerships are built on honest talk and active listening and that by starting this conversation, you’re also building an excellent foundation for future exploration together.
When you’re ready, take things further by asking and inviting questions. Discuss BDSM sex in detail. Be open to naughty experiments as you try new things.
Remember, there’s no one way your kinky persona has to manifest. You can delight in domination, thrill in submission, or switch between the two. The cocktail of cravings is yours to choose from. So, set your sexual sat-nav for planet pleasure, and get ready to decide which kind of fem kinkster you really are!
