Mastering Care and Control–The Art of Being a Good BDSM Dom

Unlock
Your
Curiosity
Arousal the way
you want it.
Photo: Kamaji Ogino via Pexels

We’ve already examined the general red flags and green flags when looking for a new kink partner, but this time, we’re going to explore the BDSM Dom side of things in more detail.

“What makes a good Dom?” is an important question for both subs and Doms because the qualities that make a great and enjoyable Dom from the sub’s perspective also mean the Dom is likely to have a good time. 

But what are those qualities? If you’re a sub seeking a sexy new partner for your BDSM sex play, what should you be looking for? And if you’re a Dom looking to ensure you bring your A-Game, what do you need to focus on? Well, if you want the answers, then read on.

Reasons For Domination: A Good Dom Knows Their “Why”

A good Dom doesn’t seek to assert control before conversations with their partner about needs, boundaries, and desires. A good Dom doesn’t pursue dominance to shore up their own ego or to assume command from a place of insecurity.

The best Doms know why they enjoy kink and what they get from it. They’re clear about their turn-ons and turn-offs, what they like, and what they’re keen to try. They also understand the nuances of their kinks and are aware of how they want to feel as well as what they’d like to do.

This is important because without understanding your motivation, it’s impossible to ascertain your kink compatibility with someone. Even if you’re fundamentally complementary, you need awareness and good communication to ensure everyone has a good time.

A Good BDSM Dom Expresses their Own Needs Clearly

Good Dom’s prioritize communication with their submissive BDSM sex partners. They’re open about expressing their own needs, desires, and boundaries by being:

By being clear about their own needs, a great BDSM Dom helps to establish a dynamic of trust with their partner, which is essential for a safe and sexy time in the bedroom.

A Good Dom Seeks Clarity about their sub’s Needs

While dominance is about taking control, a good Dom cares deeply about what their sub wants and needs from the BDSM experience, too. They want to know about their submissive’s:

A good Dom doesn’t simply dictate the terms of the power exchange. They’re clear about their own needs and prioritize their partner’s needs, too. This forms the basis for co-creating a dynamic that works for everyone and crafting kinky experiences that are safer and more fun for all involved. 

They also ask good questions about consent and engage in planning about the use of safe words. These qualities reassure the sub that they’re with someone who has good boundaries and will be responsive to their needs during a scene. 

Finally, a good Dom understands that consent isn’t a one-and-done thing. They have the confidence to interrupt a scene to check in without worrying about killing the vibe. 

The key takeaway is that the role of a Dom isn’t just about power or sexual dominance; it’s about responsibility, trust, and the co-creation of transformative intimate and sexy experiences. Embracing these qualities doesn’t just make a good Dom; it makes an excellent one.

Unlock Your

Curiosity

Join our VIP site.

Unlock Your

Curiosity

Join our VIP site.

You May Also Like

  • All Posts
  • Confessions
  • Culture
  • Kink
  • PRESS
  • Sex
  • Travel
    •   Back
    • MEDIUM
    • SWAY'S UNIVERSE
    • HUFFINGTON POST
    • WALL STREET JOURNAL
    • ABC NEWS NIGHTLINE
    • NYTIMES MAGAZINE
    • PLAYBOY
    • THE VILLAGE VOICE
    • FRENCH GQ
    • GAY CALGARY
    • THIS WEEK IN TEXAS
    • AUTOSTRADDLE
    • LES INROCKUPTIBLES
    • EDGE MEDIA NETWORK
    • DAILY BEAST
    • OUT MAGAZINE
    • VICE MAGAZINE
    • GOMAG
    • PATCH
    • THE STANDARD
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN CULTURE
    • FOOD, DRINK & DRUGS
    • POP CULTURE
    • OPINION
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • POLITICS
    • BIG NEWS
    • MUSIC
    • NOSTALGIA
    • SPICY BOOKS
    • QUEER
    • QUEER BOOKS
    • MOVIE SEX
    • CULTURAL SHIFTS
    • ART
    • SPORTS
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN TRAVEL
    • BEST OF LISTS
    • SEX ON VACAY
    • SEXY CITY GUIDES
    • GET TIPSY
    • LUXURY TRAVEL
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN CONFESSIONS
    • QUEER
    • STRAIGHT
    • CUMMING OF AGE
    • GETTIN' WILD
    • KINKY CONFESSIONS
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • SEX CLUBS
    • SEX AFTER 40
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN KINK
    • DATING WHILE KINKY
    • RELATIONSHIPS
    • KINK ENCYCLOPEDIA
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • HOW TO GET KINKY
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN SEX
    • SEX ENCYCLOPEDIA
    • RELATIONSHIPS
    • SEX ED
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • SEX MEETS TECH
    • OH JOY SEX TOY
    • IDENTITY
  • All Posts
  • Confessions
  • Culture
  • Kink
  • PRESS
  • Sex
  • Travel
    •   Back
    • MEDIUM
    • SWAY'S UNIVERSE
    • HUFFINGTON POST
    • WALL STREET JOURNAL
    • ABC NEWS NIGHTLINE
    • NYTIMES MAGAZINE
    • PLAYBOY
    • THE VILLAGE VOICE
    • FRENCH GQ
    • GAY CALGARY
    • THIS WEEK IN TEXAS
    • AUTOSTRADDLE
    • LES INROCKUPTIBLES
    • EDGE MEDIA NETWORK
    • DAILY BEAST
    • OUT MAGAZINE
    • VICE MAGAZINE
    • GOMAG
    • PATCH
    • THE STANDARD
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN CULTURE
    • FOOD, DRINK & DRUGS
    • POP CULTURE
    • OPINION
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • POLITICS
    • BIG NEWS
    • MUSIC
    • NOSTALGIA
    • SPICY BOOKS
    • QUEER
    • QUEER BOOKS
    • MOVIE SEX
    • CULTURAL SHIFTS
    • ART
    • SPORTS
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN TRAVEL
    • BEST OF LISTS
    • SEX ON VACAY
    • SEXY CITY GUIDES
    • GET TIPSY
    • LUXURY TRAVEL
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN CONFESSIONS
    • QUEER
    • STRAIGHT
    • CUMMING OF AGE
    • GETTIN' WILD
    • KINKY CONFESSIONS
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • SEX CLUBS
    • SEX AFTER 40
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN KINK
    • DATING WHILE KINKY
    • RELATIONSHIPS
    • KINK ENCYCLOPEDIA
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • HOW TO GET KINKY
    •   Back
    • TRENDING IN SEX
    • SEX ENCYCLOPEDIA
    • RELATIONSHIPS
    • SEX ED
    • GETTING PERSONAL
    • SEX MEETS TECH
    • OH JOY SEX TOY
    • IDENTITY
Skip to content