Pegging is anal sex where the penetrating partner uses a strap-on dildo. It’s most associated with cis-het couples (i.e., couples where both partners identify as the gender they were assigned and are straight), but pegging describes anyone using a strap-on to anally penetrate their partner.
Why Would I Want to Peg My Partner?!
The anus has squillions of nerve endings in and around it, which feel really good when stimulated.
Friction between the strap-on’s harness and a pussy can feel delightful.
Role reversal can be revelatory in straight relationships!
For kinky couples, pegging works well with power exchange sex play.
“I’m Scared of Pegging my Partner…”
Perhaps the idea turns you on, but you feel apprehensive about pegging your partner. Here are some challenges to be aware of:
Lack of confidence being the giver as opposed to a receiver.
Uncertainty about
how to practice pegging.
Fear of hurting
your partner.
Photo: оксана Gromova via Pexels
It’s natural to have some nerves about pegging for the first time, and practical tips are helpful, but first, a note on confidence…
Women and those AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) often feel pressure to look or be a certain way when it comes to sex. These ideas undermine confidence, spontaneity, and the fun of sexual experimentation—for example, trying out a more dominant role in the bedroom.
Talking with your partner about your worries is important. Discussing why pegging turns each of you on can be reassuring. And if you need a permission slip to enjoy your first go at pegging, then consider this permission granted!
How to Peg Your Partner Safely
- You both must want to try pegging—remember, enthusiastic consent is essential. Start by doing some research—and yes, this article counts. Try reading through it together before you take your clothes off.
- If the person being penetrated hasn’t tried anal before, don’t expect to go from zero to full pegging hero in one session—a good mantra is “slow, small, and lots of lube.” If you go too fast, use a dildo that’s too big, or there’s too much friction, it can cause the delicate tissue of the anus to tear.
- Choose the right harness, as comfort for you and your partner is important, and there are many different designs available. Having several dildos in various sizes is a great idea. However, if you only have one, make it small, thin, and short.
- Finally, some people like to have an enema beforehand, but others emptying their bowels and washing thoroughly is enough to stop shit from happening. Leakage is a risk with anal sex play, but most find that it’s a rarity.
Think about the pros and cons of different positions:
Doggy-style can give
the receiver more control
Lying on your side
spooning can offer more
skin-to-skin connection
The receiver lying on
their back allows for
eye contact
Pegging is All About Communication & Lube!
When I say use a lot of lube, I mean it! Regularly re-apply lube in and around the ass as well as to anything being inserted into it, including fingers and toys.
Photo: Carlos Santiago via Pexels
Try a few lubes to see which works best for you:
- Silicone lube glides well but damages silicone toys.
- Water-based lube dries out faster, so expect to use more.
- pH-balanced lubes for the vagina may sting when used for anal.
As the penetrating partner, keep checking in and be ready to stop immediately. Consider using a safe word or visual cue so they can let you know what they want or if they want to pause or stop.
Pegging Step-by-Step…
First, ensure you’re relaxed and remember that it’s best if the person being pegged is in control of penetration—pushing back or down onto the dildo. When you’re both ready…
01
Begin playing with their ass—massaging, tonguing, and rubbing it.
02
Use lubed fingers or butt plugs to gently open their asshole.
03
When they’re ready, generously re-apply lube in and around their butthole and to the dildo—then, sloooooowly insert the tip.
04
Encourage your partner to relax and push back against the dildo.
05
They may feel like they need to shit; breathing out slowly and (counterintuitively) relaxing their pelvic floor can help.
06
Pausing or pulling out slightly can reduce the intensity if it gets too much.
07
Keep checking in.
08
Move slowly and gently at first before gradually experimenting with upping the depth and intensity of strokes.
It’s important to proceed gently, but with practice, pegging can be fun, intimate, and exhilarating for both partners. In fact, it may become a new favorite way to fuck!
