Leather cuffs hugged my wrists, which were outstretched toward the ceiling of the damp and musty basement dungeon. A black leather blindfold covered my eyes, and I stood on the balls of my feet reaching up toward the heavens, naked, exposed, and vulnerable.
I breathed in and out slowly, surrounded in the darkness, enveloped in the void. The business of my monkey mind fell away as I focused on my inhale and exhale. Then the sting of the whip hit my flesh.
I couldn’t see it coming, but I could hear the whip as it sliced through the air. The sting zipped through my vessel like wasabi. A quick lightning-like burn.
The first few stings pinged off of my body like an electric charge. Erratically, I wiggled under the touch of the whip.
I had lost my inhale, my exhale. I was in a place of reactivity.
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And Then Something Shifted…
The whip came down on my ass, and I relished in the sensation. I fully inhaled and felt every bit of the sting that surged through my body. This feeling spread throughout me, coloring me with color, orange, then red.
My hips hula hooped in circles as this energy shifted to erotic juiciness, and I exhaled in a deep dragon breath.
This is when I realized that all of those years I’d spent going to yoga classes, and taking tantra and meditation courses had a place in BDSM.
The Art of Meditation in Mindfulness
Meditation teaches us to be present in the now. It’s a simple concept, but difficult to do when we are in a world filled with distractions, live with neverending news streams and social media, and are tethered to little screens stuffed into our back pockets. So how do we break the cycle and quiet the mind?
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Start Slow.
Even five minutes of meditation each day can have a profound effect on your nervous system, your life, and your relationships. The easiest way to build a new habit is by stacking your new behavior with something that you already do each day. Try committing to a five-minute meditation daily after your shower, brush your teeth, or while drinking your tea in the morning.
If sitting down in complete silence sounds a bit too daunting, guided meditation could be a great resource for you.
There are excellent meditation apps that are available, including Headspace and Calm. Sound healing meditations, in which crystal bowls are used to make sounds that resonate at different frequencies, can bring your mind and body to a place of ultimate relaxation and healing.
Download Headspace
Breathe to the Light Side | Headpsace via Youtube
Alternatively, you can turn off your devices and immerse yourself in nature. Sit beside a stream of water and ground yourself into the earth. Soften your gaze to a single point, and bring your awareness to your inhale and exhale. As thoughts emerge during your meditation… because they will do that… just acknowledge them, and let them go. Come back to your breath and your point of visual focus at the stream. You can practice this same type of meditation in your garden, a park, or even in your bedroom surrounded by your crystals and a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
The practice we are developing is to come back to our breath, releasing our thoughts rather than becoming attached. Thoughts will intrude into your meditation, i.e., I need to send that email, I should call my mom, or we are out of oat milk.
This ability to release and not attach to our thoughts allows us to be more present and in the moment of a BDSM scene. While you are having your boots licked by your submissive, you may still remember that you are out of oat milk, but you can release that thought and come right back to the now, to this moment.
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The Zen of Yoga
Yoga is a beautiful practice of embodying mindfulness through a series of positions and sequences that increase flexibility, balance, body awareness, strength, and mindfulness. All of these skills will support you in your BDSM experiences.
Many common yoga positions are also positions that I find myself in when I’m bound in rope. I giggle in yoga class when they ask us to slide our arms behind our back into a reverse prayer. A child’s pose, in which someone kneels on their yoga mat, head bowed to the floor, and arms at their sides, is exactly as I would present myself to my dominant. While the happy baby pose involves lying on your back, grabbing onto your ankles, legs splayed open. Get out the rope, because this one is perfect for bondage sex!
Before being tied up, I go through a series of yoga positions. This helps to prepare my body and mind for the scene ahead. This warms up my body and opens my heart.
Check out some online yoga classes on sites like Obe Fitness. Or, find a local yoga studio where you can connect with the community and experience the many benefits of yoga.
The Beauty of Energy Work
Understanding that within BDSM we are not just exchanging touch, but with it energy, can drastically change your kink experience. We want to expand our awareness of our own energy fields and how the energy in our bodies shifts, changes, and transforms. Every touch has a frequency, a vibration, and an intention behind it. Let’s practice cultivating energy within our own bodies and how we can share that with others.
A Simple Exercise in Mindfulness
This is a simple exercise that you can practice with a partner to strengthen your energy exchange.
Get comfortable and situate yourself across from your partner with a bowl full of wooden clothespins. Pick up one clothespin and imbue it with an emotion or intention. Ask your partner, “May I gift you with love?”
Your partner would respond with yes or no. Proceed with asking where your partner would like to receive love.
After you know where they would like to receive the energy, take a cycle of breath together. Then, apply the clothespin with the agreed upon intention.
Your partner could respond with, “I am loved.”
Take turns giving different intentions and receiving them. If you don’t feel like doing this with clothespins, you could do the same exercise with almost any kind of agreed upon touch such as a kiss or spanking.
Photo: innamykytas via Pixabay
Mindfulness Informs Us
Mindfulness isn’t just something that we leave in the locker room of our favorite yoga studio. It informs every aspect of our lives. See what profound shifts are possible in your relationships and sex life when you start to integrate some of these simple practices into your daily life.
