Kink is the delicious and deviant art of adults playing… oftentimes with some very exciting toys and dress-up gear! Through this type of kink scene sex play, we are able to investigate different power dynamics. It is also possible to explore varied parts of our subconscious, energy movement, breath, pleasure, and most importantly, our deep connection to one another.
Sounds pretty rad, right?
It definitely is hot. However, there are some steps involved and we get there by creating safe containers for ourselves and our partners to step into.
What is a Safe Container in a Kink Scene?
A safe container is the space we have created for our kinky play to occur. It encompasses the parameters and agreements of our game. These agreements stem from our mutual sexual desires and interests.
Photo: innamykytas via Pixabay
Let’s Build Our Container!
In the Now
In order to know what kind of kink scene is going to be the most nourishing and exciting, we must have an awareness of where our bodies, emotions, energy, and minds are right now.
Check In With Your Body
Take a moment to check in with your body and communicate to your partner about any new or past injuries, allergies, soreness, tightness, and how your body is feeling in general.
Mind and Emotions
It’s really helpful to know what emotions are present in our body. It doesn’t mean there isn’t room for pleasure. But we want to be honest and open with our partners about what is there. It’s possible that some of these emotions will be released during a kink session. The key here is mindfulness. This is where you are at and what is possibly coming into a scene. How do we want to hold that emotion?
Energy
Is your energy level high, medium, or low? If you have had an exhausting week and can barely stand, that might not be the ideal time for a really intense and active kink scene. It might be more on par to have a lower energy kink scene, like being blindfolded and served some of your favorite foods. You can adapt the play and container for the energy that you both have.
Crafting The Kink Scene
Let’s start with what inspires you. Consider if there is a certain type of play you have been craving or if you are really excited to try out a toy, like a new flogger or paddle.
Great Expectations
Communicate with your partner(s) regarding what your expectations for this scene might look like, and then listen as your partner tells you what they would like to happen in the scene. We want to create a shared vision and understand the dynamics and aspects that each partner is hoping to explore.
Toys, Toys, Toys
It’s important to review and agree on implements and the type of play you want to engage in before the scene starts. If you agree to a luscious lashing with your favorite buttery soft flogger, and midway through the scene your partner pulls out the single tail whip, which you weren’t expecting, this breaks trust and expectations.
Time After Time
It’s important to discuss how long you expect the scene to last. This will help in pacing your energy, for both the dominant and the submissive. If it’s an intense scene, you might need more time to slowly ramp up, and then a cushion of time for after care.
Safe Words in a Kink Scene
Discuss with your partner agreed upon safe words. Easy and clear safe words that are often used are:
Red
Stop. Out now.
Yellow
Proceed with caution.
Let’s adjust something.
Green
All good.
If one or more partners are unable to speak or engage verbally due to a gag, hood, or even because you’re at a noisy party or club, it’s important to have non-verbal safe cues in place and to be checking in throughout the kink scene with your partner. A few ways to communicate non-verbally are through grunts or squeezes of the hand.
For instance, a dominant might ask a submissive to squeeze their hand twice if they need to come out of a bondage suspension. Or they may squeeze once if they would like to stay in the bondage a little longer. Another idea is to grunt once for green and twice for red if they are gagged.
Photo: Vika Glitter via Pixabay
Understand Consent… And Keep Consenting!
Communication and negotiation are an essential component of creating the field that we play in as kinksters. Our playground is built upon these agreements. And because of the work you do in honestly engaging and confirming that everyone is having a good time, then you will find that you are able to build an unprecedented amount of trust.
This connection and vulnerability with one another is possible because of the time you have taken to listen to one another, hear each other, and go on this pleasure journey together.
