Finding a good therapist can feel like a daunting task. Then, you add in kink along with the possibility of being judged as opposed to supported and it begins to feel scary! So, where should you look? How do you even know the type of therapist to consider? What’s more, does working with a kink-positive therapist really matter?
Well as luck would have it, you’re in the right place for answers. So, if you’re interested in finding a therapist who truly understands the intersection between your personal life and your kink life then read on…
Cultural Competency: A Key Factor in Kink-Aware Therapy
Come to grips with
cultural competency
Understand Kink-Aware
Therapy’s unique context
Know the risk of engaging with
a non-kink-affirming therapist
Firstly, before you start looking for a kink-aware therapist it’s vital to understand cultural competency. We live in a world filled with stereotypes and misunderstandings–and that’s certainly true with kink. This awareness means having a deep understanding of different cultures, beliefs, and practices–and using that knowledge to have respectful, non-judgmental interactions.
In other words, a therapist possessing this skill regarding kink can provide the right support because they get it. They know about kink, have examined their own biases, and are ready to create a judgment-free space.
Having this cultural awareness is what truly makes a therapist “kink-affirming” and prevents you from wasting your own time educating them. More importantly, engaging with a therapist lacking in kink consciousness can lead to misinterpretations, judgment, and harm instead of help.
Ultimately, the bottom line is even the most well-intentioned therapist might not be able to offer you good support if they don’t understand kink.
Photo: Kamaji Ogino via Pexels
How to Tell A Kink-Compatible Therapist From A Kink-Clueless One
Learn to decode kink-positive language
Examine whether claims of “kink-positivity” stack up
Consider their expertise in other relevant areas
If you’re perusing a therapist’s website or therapist directory profile, a good way to start your search is to look for terms like “kink-aware,” “kink-positive,”’ “kink-friendly,” “kink-affirming,” and “GSRD” (Gender, Sexual, and Relationship Diversity).
Ultimately, these phrases should indicate that the therapist in question is worth considering. At the same time, realize that “kink-friendly” might mean different things to different therapists. As such, that’s exactly why it’s important to take a closer look.
It’s also important to think about your own perspective regarding kink. Is kink central to what you want to work on in therapy, or completely unrelated? For instance, are there issues around trauma, anxiety, or anything else that you’d like to discuss? If so, make sure your prospective therapist has competency in those areas, too.
Photo: Kamaji Ogino via Pexels
Making The Right Decision: Using Initial Consultations
Come prepared with questions
Assess if it’s a supportive environment
Trust your instincts!
To begin, know that many therapists offer a complimentary consultation. Embrace this as this is a great opportunity to find out a bit more about their understanding of kink. Think of it like a job interview, and you’re in charge of making sure you get your questions answered!
A good approach is to ask them what the kink-positive terminology they feature on their website or bio means to them. Engage your inner Sherlock, really find out what training and experience they have with kink and whether there are any kinks they’d be uncomfortable discussing.
You can tell a lot about a therapist not only by their response but also how they say it. Do they seem at ease, and do you feel comfortable talking with them?
Keep in mind that making your decision has to be based on your own intuition, trust, and the understanding you feel with your potential therapist. Remember it’s always okay to change your mind if you realize they’re not a good fit for you after all.
Above all, trust your judgment. Nobody can choose the best kink-affirming therapist for you except you–and you have all the tools you need to identify the right one. In closing, we wish you good luck taking this next step in your mental health and kink journey!
