Sitting at the dimly lit restaurant with my girlfriend, I plucked the burning candle from the table top. While she was scanning the menu for a veggie burger, I was drawn to the flame like a moth.
I poured the hot wax into the palm of my hand and drizzled it up my forearm, closing my eyes and purring from the warmth. The pleasure spread throughout my body… red, orange, silky swirls and spirals. I was a masochist before I ever knew what a masochist was.
Deep, intense sensations that some people perceived as painful, I registered only as a profound and gratifying pleasure. But how do we hold pain? How do we release it? And how do we explore the pleasure and portals to transcendence that it contains?
Let’s Explore Sex as a Masochist
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Surrender and Reframe
When we allow ourselves to surrender to the moment, it has a profound impact on how we experience the exchange of touch and energy. The intent of the touch that we are receiving also makes a huge difference in how we process the sensation or pain.
The shift from our body contracting from the fear of a flogger making contact with our skin to the expansion that comes with the surrender and ultimate welcoming of touch are starkly contrasting experiences. Pain, when it is welcomed and invited in, is just sensation – energy that we can develop tools to process, transmute, and release.
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Breathe
Breath moves stuck energy and emotion from the body. It also moves erotic energy through your body as well as intense sensation. It is our internal wind system. We are directing the flow and movement of the energy in our body from touch or impact through our breath.
Whether you are experiencing a spanking or playing with nipple clamps, your breath creates movement of the sensation from a concentrated area, as well as release for the energy you are receiving. Our body is intentionally welcoming in the touch or energy, receiving it and moving it with our breath.
When I receive pain as a masochist, I like to fully inhale the sensation. My exhalation is used to direct or push the sensation to the area of my body I’d like to send the energy to. I also utilize my exhalation to send this pleasurable energy back out to my partner.
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Visualize
Visualization is a powerful skill for any masochist navigating their way through an intense scene.
The aim here is to picture the pain or the sensation that you are receiving as its own entity. Closing your eyes and using your imagination can be helpful for this practice. As you receive pain, identify its color. Is it red, orange, blue, or some other color?
Stand in your power as an active, compassionate witness in welcoming that pain into your vessel. Observe the pain. Notice its texture and how it wants to move through your body.
Visualize your breath and body movement, directing the sensation where to go. Perhaps your heart is leading this sensation to its epicenter to fill it up with love. Or maybe your cunt is calling to the sensation to imbue it with its juicy erotic goodness.
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Vocalize
When I’m playing in an S&M scene, I often sound like an opera singer as a masochist! Vocalizing is a great way to move sensation through your body, transmute pain into pleasure, and release your sensation out into the world.
As a scene is starting to build and impact is slowly ramping up, I use a humming type of vocalization. This helps me to harness the power of the pain and transmute the energy from pain to pleasure.
As an impact scene develops with greater intensity, I find a deep-rooted, elongated ahhhhh or ohhhhh sound to be most supportive.
This chanting-like vocalization comes from deep in the gut or pelvic bowl. If you find that your vocal release is high pitched, staccato, or originating from your throat space, it’s time to adjust. Lower the base of your vocalization. Imagine a deep, primordial OM that you are channeling from the depths of the earth’s womb. That energy is flowing through you and transforming this pain into the juiciest, most luscious pleasure possible.
Masochists Are Shephers of Intense Energy
Masochists witness the vibration of pain with an open and fearless heart. We welcome it in, observe it, and guide it on a journey of transformation and ecstatic release.
