My husband, Kevin, is my best friend. And the relationship we have is truly unique, in my opinion. We have been through a lot together. Big moves to multiple cities, financial missteps, the loss of loved ones and dear friends, adventures the world over, plenty of crying, but many, many more laughs. Hell, we are even business partners and spend almost every moment of every day in each other’s presence—and many people have told us that that is something they simply couldn’t do with their spouse. I’m glad it works for us.
Together, we have navigated many life changes, some of which tend to be the tombstone of a marriage.
And through it all, I feel like we still flirt with each other. We make “us” time and ensure it’s a priority—and we still have a ton of sex. Not exaggerating; sometimes four or five times a day.
We have a scorching sex life—and are not only in love with each other… but also in lust. Fucking is one of our favorite hobbies, and as the years have passed, it’s only gotten spicier.
Yes, of course, there have been times when sex has felt sporadic—I think that’s something likely true of any couple… married or not. We are tired, we’re irritated with each other, we burn the candle at both ends workwise, and we’re simply not in the mood.
Additionally, I can also attribute this, on my behalf, to issues that I was having with my sex drive because of hormones.
At one point a few years ago, I realized that my libido was taking a pretty bad hit. I wasn’t feeling horny, I wasn’t in the mood. I just didn’t feel like it.
But there is also the fact that I had been on birth control for several decades at that point—and it was a bummer and really weighing me down. I needed my body to have a break. I simply had to get off the pill.
However, I also had no desire to get pregnant. That would literally be my worst nightmare—and I’m not being dramatic. I can think of few things worse than being a mother.
Plus, we decided long ago that kids were not in the cards for us. To find myself pregnant over the age of forty would be one of the most terrible things that could happen to me… to us, really.
Therefore, I pleaded with Kevin to get snipped. Have a vasectomy and take one for the team… because I had been the one doing the baby-blocking it for a very, very long time, dealing with the ups and downs of birth control.
Thankfully, he agreed. We had talked about it before, but finally, he was putting a plan into action. After all, it is incredibly less invasive to sterilize a man than it would be for me to get my tubes tied.
You also gotta love the fact that women get told by doctors, “Oh, I don’t know if you want to do that; you’re probably going to change your mind about having kids,” when men meet zero resistance.
Plus, for fuck’s sake, can we start recognizing the fact that women know their own goddamn minds?
Laughingly, though, once Kevin had the procedure, his doctor instructed him to wait about six to eight weeks to return with a sample to make sure there were no swimmers present—and that I should also not go off birth control until a few samples tested negative.
You see, just because the procedure is complete does not mean there aren’t still sperm circling and looking for an egg to fertilize. It’s necessary to “clear the plumbing.”
And clear it, Kevin did.
It only took him two weeks to take a sample back. Let’s just say there was a lot of masturbating and (safe) sex going on in Casa Clark.
The reaction at the doctor’s office was more than comical. To be that awe-struck by sperm production… urologist humor, for sure.
I really wonder if he set a new record among that practice’s patients.
After he was given the all-clear from the doctor, we felt our sex life had been given new energy.
We both find something incredibly hot and intoxicating about not worrying about pregnancy, not having to pull out, and not messing around with condoms (he honestly hates them). We both love the fact that he can cum inside me, and there’s nothing to worry about. And it makes the sex feel that much more intimate. It makes us feel even closer to each other.
Ultimately, it’s a serious aphrodisiac for both of us.
The other thing that I have found about sex with my husband found since the vasectomy is that we are much more adventurous in bed.
If I’m being completely transparent, I should also probably attribute writing for Juicy Pink Box as a considerable influence on some of the things we have tried.
Some of the things that have turned up the intensity? Trying out some kinky sex play such as consensual non-consent, light restraints, and authority transfer.
And there is something else that I cannot quite put my finger on about our sex life if I’m being honest.
Maybe it’s because we are older and more confident. I don’t worry about telling him that I want to try something kinky or risqué.
There aren’t any reservations or judgment on his behalf when I tell him to smack me, pull my hair, or choke me when I want something rough. Nor is there any hesitation to simply enjoy each other’s bodies and make love.
Sex with my husband has changed, but it has also remained the same—all in all, though, our connection does seem to have become deeper as time has passed.
I’m not quite sure the psychology behind that—and why some couples grow apart as their marriage progresses while others strengthen their bond—but it feels incredibly empowering and exciting to me. And I’m thankful I get the chance to grow older with this very sexy man who knows how to push all of my buttons.
