Strap-ons have been busted out of the niche sex toybox. If you thought these sexual sidekicks were only for certain orientations or genders, then think again. They’re for anyone! Got your attention? Thought so. Let’s talk aout using a strap-on.
What’s a Strap-On and Who Should Use One?
In simple terms, a strap-on is a dildo worn attached to the body by a harness or via specially designed underwear. They can be made of silicone, glass, or other materials. Anyone can use a strap-on… gay, straight, any gender, any sexuality. These dicks on straps aren’t exclusive. But why might you want to use one?
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To give a penis-free partner
a turn at penetrating
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To subvert or play
with gender norms
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As a workaround for cis guys with erectile dysfunction
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To extend a sexy session that you’re just not ready to end
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To try
double penetration
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A soft dildo enables AFAB trans and NB folk to “pack”
Buckle Up… Harnessing Your Desires
There are lots of different harness designs available; most are made from nylon, leather, or spandex. There are three main basic styles:
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Adult Thong from ForniKation UK via Etsy
Thong
With a strap between your legs attaching to a waistband
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Adult Harness from BellaStore UA via Etsy
Jockstrap
Straps that hug your hips and cross over your ass cheeks
What you decide to go with depends on your preferences. Most thong and jockstrap harnesses are adjustable, both to fit you snugly and to allow you to use interchangeable O-rings to attach varying sizes of dildo. Briefs or boxer designs are great for when you want to wear a dildo both inside and outside of the bedroom.
You may feel drawn to a particular aesthetic style, but be aware that a good fit is essential. Too much movement will reduce your control of where the dildo is going during sex, which can make for a very brief encounter indeed!
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Strap-on Sex 101: How to Pick Out the Right Harness and Dildo via Healthline
Plugging In – How to Choose a Dildo
The most important thing when choosing a dildo is to go for a material like silicone or glass that’s “body-safe.” Helpfully, most body-safe dildos will say so on the packaging, so steer clear of those that don’t.
Ultimately, choosing a dildo comes down to what you’ll be using it for. If you have a regular partner, then this can be a shared decision. It’s also important to know that different dildos suit different kinds of sex play.
If you’re trying anal for the first time, then you’ll want to go with something smaller and smoother. A dildo or harness that can accommodate a bullet vibrator can really spice things up for both of you.
Decent sex shops will offer sound advice and some opportunities to try things on. This can be helpful. After all, sometimes the style you think will be your jam doesn’t butter your bread at all!
Lastly, the dildo and the harness go hand in hand. They’ve got to be compatible with each other. Some harnesses have multiple O-rings that can be adjusted, but others will be less flexible. Check that everything you’re buying works with everything else.
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The Beginner’s Guide to Using a Strap-On via Lifehacker
How to Use a Strap-On
So, you’ve bought your strap and are back at home, now what? You might want to practice alone before using it with a partner. This can allow you to get used to taking it on and off, make any adjustments, and get comfortable with your new appendage.
When using a strap-on, as with all sex, the keys to accessing the pleasure palace are consent and communication. Using plenty of lube will help, too.
As always, it’s super important to check in with your partner before, during, and after the session to make sure they’re still on board and that you’re confident of each other’s boundaries.
Be prepared for penetration to feel tricky or even a bit strange the first few times. Take things slowly and experiment with different positions. Thrusting your partner from behind while standing up may feel more accessible than missionary, for example.
Just as with any new sexual experience, it can take some time to figure out what works well for both of you. And it’s worth taking that time for the pleasure that follows. Happy thrusting, and please don’t forget to clean your toys afterward!