Lesbian Sex Tips for Men

Learning and redefining the concept of sex beyond penetration.
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Do you think men can learn anything from how lesbians make love?

For sure! Look, we get no sex education in this country. The maximum my parents taught me was, “Don’t do it!” So, being open to learning new things really puts you ahead of the game! Our culture has such a limited idea of sex as being “one penis” plus “one vagina”. This notion really robs us of the full experience of pleasure. I invite you to lift the pressure and think of everything done in the bedroom as sex.

Is there something in the approach of how lesbians make love? Are there any major differences between how lesbian women make love and how straight men do?

Obviously, the major difference is that lesbians don’t have a penis. Therefore, our response to stimulus is different. From my experience, and from listening to my friends who have sex with men, the main problem appears to be that there is a predictable and boring pattern to lovemaking. The couple kisses a bit. He plays with her boobs, takes off her clothes as quickly as possible. Maybe he goes down on her. She gives him a blowjob. Then the stick goes in the hole and the game’s over.

Boring! Boring for you, boring for her.

Here is my suggestion for an alternative: don’t try to put your penis in her every time. Allow yourself the freedom to try something new. Taking away the expectation that your manhood needs to be serviced will open up new ways of getting each other off.

How do you define sex, is sex only penetration? Does that mean lesbians need a strapon to properly have sex? Do you have to cum from penetration for it to be sex?

To me, “sex” is what feels good, feels sensual and gets me off. Masturbating in front of my partner is sex. Whipping her with a belt while she masturbates is sex. Oral sex with fingers inside me is sex. Even playing with her nipples forever until she almost comes is sex. Again, because of this procreative myth about sex, we often overlook the most delicious experiences. There’s no need for a strap-on all the time. I don’t really like to wear a strap-on at all. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsexy, but that’s just my preference. I don’t mind taking the strap-on, but I have to be in the mood for it. It can be nice for anal sex every once in a while.

My “go-to” method of cumming is to lie on my stomach and touch my clit while my partner fucks me with her fingers. I like her fingers to go deep inside and push in a little bit more. Not so much in-and-out. I can come so easily and so hard this way. However, I love to have all different kinds of orgasms.

My girlfriend doesn’t cum from the ole rabbit-rabbit-shoulder, how can I make her orgasm?

That’s not surprising. I went to a workshop recently where I learned masturbation techniques from the legendary Betty Dodson. Betty’s motto is “Clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration!” There’s not really much, if any, clitoral stimulation during missionary position. But the problem goes far beyond that. There is a ridiculous amount of pressure about simultaneous orgasms. It’s not necessary to orgasm at the same time! In fact, it’s extremely difficult to do this. It’s hard to focus!

Don’t worry so much about making your partner come with your cock. It may shock you to know, but women don’t always understand their own bodies either. The best place to start is by asking her what she likes. But, you might not find out your answer. With a lack of education about sex and a tremendous amount of shame about sexuality, it’s often hard for us women to even verbalize what we like. Therefore, you might have to do some exploring to find out. Transport yourself back to Junior High School. Remember how fucking arousing it was just to put your hand on a girl’s thigh?

How achingly awesome it felt to push slowly up the inside of her leg and finally feel the seam line on her panties? Live there. Try to recapture that feeling from youth about everything being fresh and new. Look, the truth is that we all have “lesbian sex” until we lose our virginity. All that hot dry-humping? Lesbian sex! Finger-banging? Lesbian sex! See how it’s not so strange and so foreign anymore?

Foreplay! The stereotype is dudes hate it, how important is it? Do you find lesbians better at foreplay?

I don’t know. Do dudes hate it? I’m not sure that’s true. I think that “foreplay” is bad phrasing, because the entire word is that it’s something you have to do in order to get to the “real play”. However, what I’m suggesting is that you throw out the entire notion of the tit-for-tat sort of sex that you are used to having and think of everything as sex.

When you erase the line, you will open yourself up to the possibility of new experiences. Be honest, do you want her to touch your dick because she thinks she has to or because she’s dying to? Throw out the routine. Everyone is different. You will have to discover what each of you like. What actually turns her on, as opposed to what she thinks turns her on because she read about it in Cosmo once.

Same thing for you. The best thing is that once you start building trust and better sexual communication, it becomes easier to ask for the things that you want. Ask and you shall receive!

Dirty talk tips? For some reason my sex partner doesn’t always like it when I call her dirty names??

It is fucking hard to be a woman. We get a lot of negativity on a daily basis. Being called a bitch stings on a very deep level. We are shamed about our bodies and about sexuality at every turn. I certainly love to be called a “bad girl” and a “little slut” in bed, preferably while being slapped, but that WILL NOT FLY with every woman. The discussion about dirty names should most certainly be had before attempting this sort of pillow talk. You don’t have to lean over a steak dinner and say, “So, do you mind if I call you a whore while I fuck you?” However, what you can do is, during sex, BEFORE you start dirty talking, lean into her ear and whisper in a sexy, but gentle voice, “Would you like it if I called you dirty names?” If she says, “No, I don’t like that,” then let it go. However, if she says, “Oh, yes!” then say something like, “Mmmm, I’d like that. What do you like to be called?”

There’s no need to interrupt what you are doing. In fact, that can be a big turn-off. Instead, try to incorporate this kind of boundary-checking sexy talk into sex on a regular basis. Say, “What if I call you a slut? Would you like that?” Look at her face, feel the way her body reacts. Does it move up to meet you? Does she get wet? Does she nod?

We all have to gain experience at verbalizing sexuality. It can be sexy and fun. It does not have to be awkward.

What are some of the cliches about lesbian sex?

There are a lot of misconceptions about lesbian sex, like, “Well, since you’re both women, it must be really soft love-making, right?” Um, no. I like rough sex. I like to slap, get choked, be fucked hard.

Also, there’s an idea that because we are women, we instinctively know what the other likes. Sadly, not true. Just like dudes, we struggle with learning about ourselves and our lovers. There’s nothing easier or more natural about having sex with a woman. Sensuality requires focus on the sensations in your body. Shame and negative feelings get in the way. You’ve got to tune that stuff out to make the most of sex.

Any “secrets” for cunninglingus for men?

Oh, yes. Actually, I never even liked oral sex until just a few months ago, so I’m serving up some fresh, test-driven lesbian secrets!

OK, so for me, I just “didn’t get it”. I didn’t feel too much when women went down on me. Sometimes it even hurt a little bit, and I certainly couldn’t come. Here is how I overcame these issues.

First, I have to be really turned on before oral starts. For me, I love it when she bites my neck. Making out turns me on. I lose my damn mind when she breathes in my ear. I’m already good and wet before she even makes her way past my waist.

Second, licking is not always what works for me. I love it when she kisses my clit. I don’t mean like one “soft kiss”. I’m talking about a wet French kiss. She makes out with my pussy. Her lips touch me, move away, go back. Her tongue comes in, out, back. She presses her chin against me, brings it back. There are varying sensations, friction levels and degrees of pressure. That seems to work better for me than licking in one motion.

Third, in order to come, in the instance of oral sex, I also need penetration, so after a few minutes I ask her to put her fingers inside me. She usually starts with two and works up to four or five.

Four, after she has her fingers in, and we’re deep into the process, consistency is key. I get into a groove, and I just start to feel really engaged in the sex. I usually say, “Don’t stop, don’t stop.” And pretty soon after that I have a strong orgasm. If the orgasm is really hard, I need her to take her fingers out immediately and stop touching my clit right away. My post-orgasm pussy has to have a minute to take a breath!

Should men watch lesbian porn for tips?

Lots of lesbian porn is shitty and is made by men for men, so it is not an accurate representation of the kind of sex that we really have. That’s actually one big reason I started my company. Not to be self-promoting, but if you want to see how women who actually fuck women in real life have sex, then, you can subscribe for a membership to my website, JuicyPinkBox.com. I don’t make “educational” videos, but even I’ve learned sex tips from watching my porn. Once in particular, there was this crazy pussy massage technique that blew my mind. You can see it in the episode, “Bachelorette” from the HOTEL series. And I actually get really turned on watching Madison Young suck Justine Joli’s feet in TAXI. Justine got so turned on from that. She was seriously super wet. Knowing that there’s real chemistry is very arousing.

Whats tough about lesbian sex?

I’ve been in some relationships where all the talking actually hindered the sex. It was like I felt too exposed, too close to my lover. I don’t think it’s a problem with lesbian sex, per se. It’s more this idea that I have to maintain a separate sense of self in order to be turned on by the other person.

Tips about erogenous zones?

Every woman is different. I’ll tell you what works for me. I love having my hair pulled at the nape of my neck. I love having my lower lip bitten a bit- not too hard. I love fingers in my mouth, even on the roof of my mouth. Sometimes I want to feel my whole mouth totally full, probed, open. It makes me feel submissive and drives me crazy. I love hard kisses on my neck- hickeys.

Nipples- I love pretty much all nipple action. In particular, I love when she holds my nipple with her thumb and forefinger, and then licks, directly on the end. It’s a lot of pressure on the nipple, and so precise. Super yummy. Kisses on my hip bones feel good. Inside the thigh. Scratches up and down my thighs are so sexy. The sensation of having your toes sucked is insane. I love anal sex. I don’t like too much hanging around the rim of my asshole, but inside—sooooo amazing.

Do all lesbians use sex toys? Any tips for me to introduce sex toys into the bedroom to a wary lady?

Not all of us, but I like to! I love nipple clamps, because they give you that sensation of intense hot circuit to your pussy without having to stay up there. Nipple clamps look a bit intimidating, so I stayed away from them for a long time. Don’t make my mistake! Vibrators rock, obviously.

However, I have weaned myself off of a vibrator, because I was far too dependent on it, and I lost control of my orgasm. I love glass dildos, too. And Betty Dodson’s vaginal barbell is so cool. It’s weighted, so it feels so different inside the pussy than anything else. Just like anything else, I think you can talk about the sex toys before-hand. Don’t ever push anything on your lovers. Chances are if you’re having a hot, frequent, open discussion about sex, you will be having regular good sex, and it your lady won’t be wary at all.

Good luck!!

Playboy Mexico in 2013

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