Am I Bisexual? JPB’s Guide to Understanding Your Sexuality

Sexuality can be confusing, especially if you’re questioning where exactly you fit in and if you’re wondering, “Am I bi?” 

You’ve probably heard the terms “bisexuality” or “bi-curious” before but might not know what they mean. Time to stop being confused! We’re going to explain what you need to know if you feel interested in having sex with more than one gender.

What Does Bisexual Mean? 

There are some common misunderstandings about bisexuality.

Firstly, while bisexuality means being attracted to more than one gender, this doesn’t mean a person is attracted to everyone or that they have equal 50/50 desire for both men and women. In reality, things are much less clear-cut.

Some people find the Kinsey Scale helpful in this regard. This scale demonstrates that gender attraction exists on a spectrum. It runs from one to six, with one being completely straight and six being totally gay. Scores two through five are somewhere in between, with a score of three representing a 50/50 split. 

The drawback of the Kinsey Scale is that it’s based on a gender binary of male or female, so it doesn’t work for everyone.

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Different Ways of Being Attracted to Someone

For many, romantic, emotional, and sexual attraction go hand in hand. However, it might surprise you to know that this isn’t always the case. 

For example, many asexual people experience deep romantic and emotional attraction with little or no sexual attraction for a partner. In the context of bisexuality, some find that the strength of one or more of these forms of attraction varies between genders. 

Lucy, 34, is a bisexual, cisgender woman. She explains, “I’m sexually attracted to all genders, and sometimes experience romantic attraction to men, but am mostly only emotionally attracted to women and AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) people, so none of my long-term relationships have been with cis guys.”

It’s a spectrum with lots of variation, so emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction might overlap wholly or significantly for you, but you’re not alone or unusual if they don’t.

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Questioning Your Sexuality: What Is Bi-Curiosity?

Bi-curiosity means exploring…or being curious about…the possibility that you might be bisexual–or simply want to try fucking another gender.

Ultimately, we live in a world where sex and relationship education isn’t always top-notch. So, it can often take reading, hearing about, or watching (for instance, in porn) an aspect of sexuality before we can picture ourselves actually doing it. It’s totally normal to start questioning your sexuality in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or beyond. And it’s incredibly commonplace.

Photo: Iván Cauich via Pexels

Sexuality Isn’t Fixed. It’s Fluid

We used to think that sexuality was a bit like eye color– a person was either gay, straight, or bisexual. However, modern understanding shows us that sexuality is fluid. 

One study found that one in 11 American adults evolved in their sexual identity during a five-year period. 

If you have previously found yourself attracted to one gender but now feel like that attraction might be expanding, sure, that can feel a bit obtuse, especially if you like to have things nailed down. But you’re still you, whoever you’re attracted to, so don’t be afraid to lean into the questions you’re asking yourself. 

You may find it freeing to realize your sexuality can change and that that’s okay.

Owning Your Sexuality – What’s in a Label?

Some prefer to use labels like pansexual or queer since the term “bisexual” sounds like it implies a binary of two genders. For these people, that term doesn’t fit if, for example, they’re attracted to NB (non-binary) or genderqueer folk.

But plenty of bisexual people are attracted to people across and outside the gender spectrum, so it’s up to each individual to choose the language they feel best describes their sexuality.

While figuring out your sexuality might seem intimidating, it doesn’t have to be lonely. It’s okay to talk about it! You might find it helpful to share with trusted friends and family, or you might not…either is fine. 

Just remember, there are millions of people out there just like you, and support is available from places like the LBGT hotline, which runs a national service.

No one else gets to decide your sexuality for you, and making sense of it can be liberating. Bisexual, bi-curious, or neither… whether you choose to use a label or not, the choice is yours.