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Kinky Guide: Exploring Your Kinky Desires

I decided to embrace my desires and explore the world of kinky sex.
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I sat in a cozy, dimly lit black box theater, enveloped in a womb of creative energy… my brain alive with kinky desires. Eyes wide open, I immersed myself in the intimate storytelling exchange between the audience and actors, a moment that marked the beginning of my exploration into my kinky identity while deepening my passion for theater.

The play I watched was Sylvia by playwright A.R. Gurney. It is a comedic tale of a love triangle involving a woman, a man, and his dog… yes, his dog, which was humorously portrayed by a spunky, beautiful actress. It was from this unconventional performance that my fascination with puppy play emerged, later inspiring me to create a feminist porn adaptation of the play that I wrote and directed.

My Journey Into the World of Kink Play

Ultimately, this didn’t start with Sylvia. Rather, the seeds were sown long before. Seeing Michelle Pfeiffer don a leather catsuit in 1992’s Batman Returns had already kindled my interest in the fetish world. Yet, navigating a clear path to unearthing my kinky desires was complex and complicated. But it didn’t have to be.

When we have what are perceived to be “mainstream” interests we seem to know how to pursue them without issue. If you’re passionate about French cooking, you immerse yourself in Julia Child’s cookbook, frequent French restaurants to analyze and enjoy the cuisine, and engage with a community that shares your enthusiasm. However, when it comes to embracing kinky desires, many individuals stumble, unsure of how to delve into their fantasies, pinpoint their interests, and communicate them effectively.

Don’t Be Afraid

If you’re curious about exploring kink but unsure about where to start, fear not! I’m here to assist you on your journey of discovering and indulging in your desires and fantasies.

Let’s Begin!

Seek Inspiration

Just as a culinary enthusiast draws inspiration from French cookbooks or gourmet restaurants, you too must uncover your passion. Erotica can be a valuable resource for unveiling what excites you. Dive into works like Carrie’s Story, explore audio erotica platforms like BLOOM and Quinn, or indulge in kinky feminist erotic films for creative stimulation. Get curious about what stories you gravitate toward and keep a journal to record your findings. This will point you down the path for your next steps of exploration. 

Book It

After you have some ideas about what aspects of the vast world of BDSM are tickling your fancy, you want to educate yourself on the ins and outs of actually practicing those kinks in a safe, sane, and consensual way. Delve into educational BDSM literature such as The Ultimate Guide to Kink and BDSM to understand the nuances of your chosen fetish. Don’t hesitate to explore documentaries like Submission Possible for a broader perspective. Try to read books from different authors about your topic of interest.  Notice the similarities and differences in how each person experiences a similar fetish.  

Werk It

Consider participating in BDSM workshops, either virtually or in person, provides hands-on opportunities to delve into your kinky desires. Research your instructors and seek feedback. If you have a partner, it can be really fun to attend these workshops together–so you can learn together.  

Service with a Smile

Engage with the BDSM community by volunteering at events or play spaces. Remember, a key component of BDSM is service. Think about this… how can we be of service to the community and the world around us? By volunteering at BDSM events you are able to observe and serve the community. This will enable you to discover more about your own BDSM interests the dynamics that you have the greatest interest in exploring.  

Connect with Community

Attend munches, which are casual meetups within the BDSM community. This is a great way to meet folks outside of a play setting. It’s also a fantastic opportunity to find out about BDSM events, play parties, workshops, and resources. Additionally, take this chance to ask questions in a setting that is casual and welcoming.  

Exploring Pleasures and Identities is an Ongoing, Infinite Journey

May your quest for pleasure and new kinky adventures be filled with understanding, connection, and patience. As we experience the ever-evolving narratives of our lives, let’s embrace each moment with curiosity and openness.

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