Social media has become absolutely engrained in our cultural makeup—and it would be quite difficult to pinpoint a particular place in society that isn’t influenced by platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. And, of course, these technologies are supposed to make us feel more connected to our family and friends, spark conversations, and provide endless entertainment.
However, social media’s influence has some unintended consequences—and one of them is that it negatively impacts some of our most important relationships, specifically the intimate ones.
As such, the question arises… is social media a cockblocker that’s killing your sex life?
Keeping Your Phone Out of Your Bed
Who hasn’t gotten ready for bed, jumped in between the sheets, and exchanged a knowing glance with their partner—time for some fondling and stroking… not of each other, though, of your tablet or smartphone?
Ultimately, instead of getting spicy with our lover, we’re having love affairs with our devices (and we’re not even talking about our favorite vibrator here!).
Photo: Peter Kasprzyk via Unsplash
Do You Feel Cuckolded by Your Social Channels?
If you feel like you’re regularly seduced by your social platforms and your sexy time with your partner has been impacted, you’re not alone. To drive a point home, according to a recent study, a full 41 percent of Americans would “rather give up sex than lose their cell phones.”
Social media, after all, is habit-forming—similar to a powerful drug. And just like any addiction, you don’t typically know how deep you’re in until you find it impossible to break away, and you have changed your habits to accommodate what you desire.
Social Media: A Form of Stepping Out on Your Relationship?
Now, this can be construed in different ways. Just because you’re addicted to scrolling doesn’t mean you’re engaged in an illicit affair with a stranger online. Nor does it mean you are doing anything that could be defined as “cheating” per se.
However, social media usage can create conflicts in relationships in many forms, actually. And this is what leads to decreased intimacy… emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually.
Consider the following:
01
Comparison and Insecurity
Social media platforms often showcase idealized versions of life. And constant exposure to images of seemingly perfect relationships can lead to unrealistic expectations and comparisons. This phenomenon, known as social comparison, can breed dissatisfaction and insecurity within a couple’s relationship and lead to diminishing sexual desire and overall satisfaction.
02
Digital Distractions
Even when romantic partners are physically together… for instance, sitting across the table from each other at dinner or relaxing on the couch on the weekend, the presence of smartphones and tablets can be a huge distraction. The habit of checking notifications, replying to messages, or browsing social media can interrupt intimate moments. Ultimately, this reduces the emotional and physical connection that is part and parcel of having a healthy and fulfilling sex life. A study published in the journal “Computers in Human Behavior” found that individuals more dependent on their smartphones are more likely to report lower relationship satisfaction. And this is alongside an increased number of arguments and conflicts.
03
Emotional Infidelity
And now, to address the elephant in the room. Smartphones and social media can also encourage emotional infidelity. This is where individuals form deep connections with others outside of their primary relationship. Flirting online, rekindling old flames, or engaging in private conversations can erode trust and break down intimacy between partners. What’s more is that this emotional infidelity can be just as deal-breaking as physical infidelity, if not more so.
Photo: Roman Odintsov via Pexels
How to “Break Up” with Social Media and Digitally Detox
We won’t lie—we love our smartphones and social platforms as much as the next person. But let’s be honest, not to the extent that we lose real, meaningful, human connection with the people we love most in our lives.
With that thought in mind, here are some ways to reclaim intimacy and eliminate your “digital third wheel.”
01
Set Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries for social media usage, especially when it comes to the one-on-one time you spend with your partner. Consider creating a “tech-free” zone or times, such as during meals, before bed, or on the weekends. Some couples make their bedroom a cell phone-free zone, which enables them to focus on each other’s needs. And helps avoid the chime of notifications as they come in from the device on the bedside table.
02
Communicate Openly
As with anything involving sexual partners, communication, honesty, and openness are always key. If you worry about social media’s impact on your relationship, talk about it with your lover. This can help address insecurities and set mutual expectations regarding individual usage or how much time you spend as a couple on your devices.
03
Prioritize Quality Time
Make a conscious effort to spend time together without any digital distractions. Identify some activities that promote bonding and intimacy. This should be both inside and outside of the bedroom. Think about date nights, shared hobbies, or simply sitting down and talking to each other face to face.
04
Practice Mindfulness
Being self-aware about your social media habits, either individually or as a couple, can allow you to become more present in your relationships. Reflect on how much time you spend on social media, and again, be honest about what worries you. Mindfulness is a powerful force that can help the two of you rebuild your connection. It can also help you become closer to each other physically, emotionally, and mentally.
05
Don’t be Afraid of Professional Help
There is no shame in realizing that you might have a problem that cannot be fixed without intervention. If social media usage has trashed your sex life, broken down trust, and demolished the emotional connection you have with your partner, talk to a therapist or counselor. Your relationship is so much more important than the latest tweet from your favorite celebrity or the status update that your old high school boyfriend just posted on Facebook.
Photo: Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash
IRL Experiences Are Better Than Anything You Can Find Online
Personally speaking, we’d rather spend our time catching our next orgasm—as opposed to tuning in to whatever drama is happening online. Yes, social media can be entertaining, and we’d be remiss if we didn’t admit our love of checking out some pussy on Instagram (get your mind out of the gutter—we’re talking about cat videos!). But what’s more important is connecting with and being close to the person (or persons) in our bed. You may also find that your sex life is much more fulfilling, exciting, and satisfying when you establish rules associated with online scrolling.
