Over the past two-and-a-half years, I’ve become a student of manifesting.
It started as I was sitting at the front desk of my office where I was a sales assistant. On LinkedIn, I saw that a salesperson I knew had shared an inspirational quote: “Do not be afraid of taking chances. Be afraid of being in the same place next year that you are today.”
And I was in exactly the same place I had been the year before… sitting in the same chair after budget cuts took away my promotion, making the same salary, fighting the same battles.
But on that day, I knew I was worth more. I Googled my heart out, trying to figure out what I wanted.
The results all pointed to working on my mindset and freelancing.
I’d heard of manifesting, vision boards, the Law of Attraction, and even The Secret before, but it was all just words to me at that point. I realized that manifesting is really just making something come into your life.
Ultimately, we all do it all the time. Some people are just better at controlling it.
I wanted to be one of those people–the ones who could control it.
No more cars breaking down because I wanted a good excuse to get out of an appointment. I wanted to bring riches into my life.
I sought out more information in the form of meditations, classes, webinars, and books. Then I received an email for a free webinar on the power of sexuality in manifestations. This was new, and I was in.
Having grown up as a Baptist in the era of purity pledges, participating in a sexuality webinar wasn’t exactly where I’d expected to find myself. But like the rest of my life, my sexual journey had always been full of surprises. And truthfully, that very same purity pledge paved the way.
As a young teenager in the early days of Internet chatrooms, I was full of self-righteous energy and bragging about my pledge to wait until marriage to have sex.
A 21-year-old man named “Doom” in the Xena chatroom was encouraging. He said that was a great plan and that I should just use masturbation “to take care of those horny feelings for now.”
Masturbation? I didn’t even know what that was.
He recommended a few websites like Clitical, Scarleteen, and Jackinworld. Here, my church school instruction was long forgotten.
Jackinworld taught me how normal masturbation was. Scarleteen had a lot of information about puberty and periods as well as interpersonal relationships. And Clitical? Sweet, dear Clitical. Clitical took the conversation into the world of pleasure… my pleasure.
There was erotica that taught me exactly what “those horny feelings” were. And there were tutorials, advice columns, toy reviews, and personal recommendations, too.
I learned that women can own their sexuality and not be ashamed of it. I was given insight on how to approach my sexuality with curiosity instead of shame. It taught me to respect my body and enjoy what it could do for me. Clitical gave me the confidence to explore my own feelings and desires.
Jump forward to day, I decided to join the webinar on sexuality in manifestation. The facilitator was a woman in her 30s like me, and she had the most genuine, positive energy I’ve ever encountered. She welcomed us warmly, let us know which experts would be featured on the webinar, and had us dance around to invite the first speaker. I committed and joined in, dancing around the kitchen, feeling the energy.
I’d taken a course from the first speaker before, so I went about my life while listening to her presentation. She offered new perspectives on clearing mental blocks, including confronting and changing underlying assumptions about money and wealth and my own worth. Then she led us in a meditation to release those blocks.
While enjoying the meditation’s afterglow, the facilitator announced a short intermission. She said the next speaker was a tantra expert and recommended complete and uninterrupted privacy for the subsequent portion of the webinar. So, I told my family I’d be in an important meeting and went to my bedroom.
The tantra expert told us about her training and experience. She was warm and friendly and invited us to participate in her session at whatever level we felt comfortable. She assured us that in the webinar format, the participants’ cameras and microphones would not be on.
My curiosity was piqued.
Instead of just talking and giving us a how-to, she was going to guide us through a tantric experience that utilized self-pleasure for manifesting. She invited us all to get comfortable and remove our clothing.
The beginning seemed similar to any meditation.
Get comfortable. Close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Relax deeper by exhaling longer than when inhaling.
She invited us to stroke our arms and enjoy the sensation. While doing this, she instructed us to focus on what we were manifesting and to visualize it in our mind’s eye with vivid colors.
Once we could see our goal clearly, she wanted us to feel what it would be like to feel our goals come true.
While offering us time to stroke our bodies, hypnotic music played in the background. It had been a long time since I had touched my entire body this way.
But this wasn’t about feeling horny and scratching an itch. It was about experiencing emotions as I saw my dreams coming true. It wasn’t about rushing to a destination. It was aligning my body with my soul to create what I wanted in this world.
Then, her voice returned.
She invited us to touch ourselves.
We had awakened our bodies and now we were directing the energy. Our hands went from our arms, necks, sides, and bellies to our breasts, knees, and thighs. She guided us into a spiral. Our fingers explored our vulvas, our scrotums, our vaginas, our cocks, and our clits. Her voice and the music led our breaths, our heartbeats, and our pleasure into orgasms.
She guided that energy from the sacred center of ourselves into the futures we desired. It was beautiful and magical.
Afterward, we held ourselves. And then we discussed our experiences in the chat.
As important as it was to lead us to those powerful orgasms, she then led us gently from that magical high back into reality.
I took some time to reflect on the experience.
It was a whole new level even for me, and I’ve had all kinds of mind-blowing sex… phone sex, video sex, solo, partnered, and threesomes. But while the sexual part of it was mind-blowing, the true magic was aligning the pleasure of my body with that of my soul in achieving my manifestations.
And when you add thousands of other people who are doing the exact same thing at the same time?
An unmatched experience.
