There are few things in this world that get me hornier than travel. It is literally one of my primary aphrodisiacs. I find the AMEX lounge at the airport so exhilarating that it’s almost like foreplay to me. The wheels touching down at my destination can practically trigger an orgasm. So, to say I’m an adventurer at heart would be an understatement.
I am lucky to have married a man who indulges my every travel fantasy. Let’s just say that my Kevin puts the lust in wanderlust.
One of the most amazing experiences of my life was going on a photo safari in East Africa, specifically Tanzania and Kenya… and then relaxing in Zanzibar, right on the Indian Ocean. In fact, it was a trip so nice that we did it twice.
Here’s everything you need to know about “glamping” and planning a very sexy safari.
Far from Roughing It
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I don’t camp.
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AMANDA CLARK, WRITER + COPY CHIEF
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First things first, let’s get one thing straight. I don’t camp. I never have… I never will. The only type of tent I pitch is when I’m between the sheets with Kevin.
So, when we started planning our first photo safari, I got strange looks from people who thought I was having some sort of mid-life crisis. I had to explain that we wouldn’t be roughing it. This experience would be VIP from start to finish.
Now, yes, there are budget safari options in Tanzania and Kenya–and I’m not so elitist as to not understand that everyone is working with a different balance sheet. But if you’re going to do this type of trip, it’s in your best interest to splurge if you can.
Sexy on Safari Planning 101
I’m a meticulous planner. It’s part of my personality. So, when we decided to go get sexy on safari, I simply got down to business and started Googling the hell out of “how do I plan a safari.”
I quickly discovered that I did not have the knowledge, tools, or experience to plot logistics for a trip like this.
Safaris require guides, bush planes, and private transportation. You need to purchase park passes, and the glamps don’t always work 1:1 with the guests themselves–rather, they work with booking agents. Plus, East Africa definitely has the “Hakuna Matata” vibe. While you think that means “No worries” what it actually means is “DO worry, because if you’re trying to do this on your own, you’ll spend the whole trip greasing palms.”
I realized I needed an expert who knew what they were doing and had on-the-ground experience in African travel. We had to work with someone who had relationships with all of the parties that would make this trip a success and enable us to get sexy on safari.
That’s where I recommend Africa Travel Resource (ATR). They are based out of London and have offices in South Africa. And they know their shit and will plan a bespoke safari experience for you that makes your heart pound. I literally cannot sing their praises enough.
ATR listened to our vision and custom-made our trip based on our preferences. These are some of the places we loved the most.
Pucker Up at Giraffe Manor
Put Giraffe Manor on your bucket list—like, immediately. When Claire, our travel agent at ATR told us about this place, I turned to Kevin and told him, “If we don’t go there, I’m literally going to die.”
Giraffe Manor is an exclusive boutique hotel situated right outside Nairobi, Kenya. It is the perfect spot to either begin or end a photo safari. We started our second safari at Giraffe Manor.
Here, we were treated to chef-prepared meals three times daily and slept on sheets with a 1000-thread count. The staff, including our very own butler, was quick to address our every desire. Let’s just say my wine glass was never empty.
How does afternoon tea on the patio sound? And there are guests: poombahs (i.e. warthogs–also “poombah” means “stupid” in Swahili as these animals aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed) graze on the grass around you.
The best part?
First thing in the morning and then again at dusk, when the Rothschild’s giraffes that live on the property and nature preserve come to the manor house for a little TLC.
If you were the victim of some sloppy French kissing when you were a teenager, I can assure you that you’ve never had the chance to make out with a giraffe.
Photos by Amanda Clark
But unlike the mouth of your high school boyfriend, the mouth of a giraffe is surprisingly clean and sanitary… so don’t resist the chance for a smooch.
A word to the wise: stay here for two nights to get the best experience—and the Insta-worthy pictures. One night is simply not enough.
Cost: From $1500 USD per night based on season.
Dunia Camp: The Bush… Boss Bitch Style
Dunia Camp is a luxurious tented camp that Kevin and I loved so much we visited it twice. Nestled in the heart of the Serengeti and miles away from the noise of civilization, you truly feel like you just stepped into another world.
Plus, there is something that makes this camp incredibly unique.
It is the only camp in Tanzania that is run entirely by women, a true rarity in a country that typically heralds a man as the primary breadwinner in a family. Indeed, all of these lovely ladies actually had husbands who stayed at home with the children.
When we arrived, we were greeted with singing and dancing right outside the camp. Then we were shown the main lodge and poured a crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc and a gin and tonic (the classic safari drink). Every day we ate breakfast and dinner prepared by the dedicated, on-site chef who truly created some culinary masterpieces. (And if you ever get the chance to try ugali, a traditional Swahili dish you eat with your hands, do it! It’s delicious, and you won’t regret it!)
Kevin and I were escorted to our own private tent, which had all the luxuries of a five-star hotel—as well as our own personal hot water heater (I really don’t like cold showers unless I’m hot and bothered).
The only catch?
If you want to leave your tent before six a.m. or after six p.m., you need to use a walkie-talkie they give you to call for assistance.
The reason behind this is simple… the camp is in an area that is also home to a pride of lions. And if there is one thing you don’t want to run into in the dark, it’s a momma lion with her cubs.
But there’s no reason to be afraid. In fact, simply knowing you are that close to nature is an incredible turn-on.
One night, Kevin and I were in our bed, under the protection of luxuriously draped mosquito nets, making love, when he suddenly stopped mid-thrust.
“What’s wrong?” I asked breathlessly.
I felt him smile in the dark.
“Listen.”
Sure enough, we heard the lions calling to each other… no roaring, just a type of gentle crooning. One thing I learned is that lions are incredibly loyal and loving to the members of their pride. And to be privy to that while also in such a sweet moment with my husband was incredibly special.
Cost: From $1700 per night based on season.
Marvelous Mara Magic: Alex Walker’s Serian “The Original”
Alex Walker’s Serian “The Original”
One of just 11 member camps in the private and exclusive Mara North Conservancy in the Masai Mara (essentially Kenya’s version of the Serengeti), Alex Walker’s Serian “The Original” left me dreaming “Out of Africa” style.
As Kevin played Robert Redford to my Meryl Streep, we found ourselves truly at one with nature as we had the opportunity to be disconnected for four whole days (fun fact… this camp has no Wi-Fi.. and believe me when I say that I didn’t miss my electronic tether at all).
Our luxury tent (which had not one but two bathrooms!) was situated right on the banks of the Mara River, and we were lucky enough to be there during a rainy period.
Sure, rain sounds like a bummer, but it makes the animals very happy and active. And if you are making the trek halfway around the world to Kenya, you want to see and photograph animals.
We had our own private guides who took us out into the bush each day, where we tracked cheetahs, elephants, hippos, leopards, Cape buffalo, and lions. Our safari vehicle was decked out with comfy chairs, blankets, and stocked with a full bar—and when word got out around camp that I was a “Rose All Day” sort of girl, you bet your ass that they made sure there was a bottle for me to pour from as I took photos.
When we returned to camp each day, Kevin and I had the opportunity to retreat to our tent for an afternoon fuck—the sounds of our sex accompanied by the murmurings of a hippo pool a mere forty feet away.
Cost: From $2000 per night based on season.
Moan-Worthy Matemwe
On our first safari, we ended our adventure with five days on the Indian Ocean—and honestly, we could not have picked a better or more luxurious place.
Tucked away on the northeast shore of Zanzibar is Matemwe Lodge. The lodge is home to 12 spacious, multi-room bungalows, each situated on the water with a private patio, plunge pool, and hammock, and entirely blind to the eyes of any neighbors.
We took full advantage of that privacy when we weren’t relaxing and unwinding from all the days we spent on safari. We indulged in many happy hours by the resort’s infinity pool, champagne glass in hand.
The staff at Matemwe also do everything they can to make your stay as romantic as possible. One night, Kevin and I dined on the beach under the stars, our table lit with candles, as we were served fresh seafood that had literally been plucked from the ocean that day.
Another amazing thing that I would be remiss not to mention? This place is a fav among the celeb set.
When we were there, we just happened to bump into Pearl Jam’s frontman, Eddie Vedder, while he was on vacation with his wife, Jill, and their two daughters, Olivia and Harper. Not that there were many people there, but the only two vacationers who recognized him were Kevin and I—two 90s kids (I’m such a fan that I actually lost my virginity as Eddie’s baritone crooned in the background after the homecoming dance in 1994).
At the end of the day, we ended up hanging out with the Vedders for three full days. They were some of the friendliest and chattiest people we have ever met in our travels. We traded stories about safari, pretended not to be star-struck when they casually talked about their friends (who have the names Bruce, Barack, and Michelle), and showed pictures of the pets that were waiting for us at home.
They say you should never meet your idols, but in this case, it was simply the icing on the cake of an amazing experience.
Cost: From $2000 per night based on season.
I Lost My Heart in Africa—So Will You
Video by Amanda Clark
When we returned to the States, I would literally dream about being on safari—the quietness, the peace, the sheer beauty of the world around me. So much so, in fact, that multiple times, I would wake up and begin to cry when I realized I had returned to reality.
One of the things I am most thankful for in life is having the good fortune of going on photo safari two times with the man I love most in this world. It was indulgent and sexy. Feeling so remote and away from the day-to-day grind enveloped Kevin and me like a sweet embrace, bringing us closer together.
I hope I get to get sexy on safari again.
There’s nothing like it on earth.
